Kool Klub Katz transcript
Scene 1: Shot of CN City Narrator: The city... of Townsville *bonked on the head* Ben Plotz: What Bill meant to say was, The city of CN City Bill: Hey Ben, why don't you return to obscurity where you belong? Ben: Why don't I take you there!? *offscreen fighting* Scene 2: Get together *a montage of various villains getting beaten by the heroes plays* Le Quack: I'm really starting to hate these outcomes. Mojo Jojo: Oh please, at least you and your buddies maintain some dignity. Me and my friends always get beaten on the spot. Hector Con Carne: Oh yeah? Well at least villains like you get beaten by legitimate superheroes, me and the rest of Evil Con Carne get beaten by an annoying goldfish! Ghastly: Don't worry chief, at least you got the last laugh. Hector: True, but that only makes me a target for that blonde girl. We do nothing but work, and as a payoff we get our butts handed to us with a side of tater tots. Skarr: Makes me wish us villains, or better yet, villains and irritable individuals had a place to take it easy. Katz: Rest easy folks, I've got an idea. Scene 3: The club Katz: Ladies and gentlemen, our new sanctuary. Klub Katz. Le Quack: Two things. One, I thought Klub Katz was a one time deal, and a resort. Second, the entire place could use some touching up, qui? Katz: I'm an anthropomorphic cat person, not Ivo Shandor. Mojo Jojo: Ah, but together, we could make up 50% of the finest architects. Well, 50% with a 10% margin of error. Princess Morebucks: My daddy could provide us with enough money to make the place really stand out. Duchess: And my desire for refined living could come to fruition. Mandark: So, shall we make ourselves our own personal eden? *All put their hands in the center* All: Teamwork! *timecard: One unseen teamwork montage later* Scene 4: Finished Eustace: I must admit, this is one fine club. Duchess: I refuse to associate myself with anyone so vile, but this is a pure exception. Landlord (Red Guy): It certainly is dandy. Eustace: Who're you supposed to be? Landlord: I'm the landlord, I'm here to give you an eviction notice. Katz: What? Why? I'm certain I payed the rent on time. Landlord: You've been bought out. Skarr: So that's how it's gonna be. We're staying right here! What'll you do about it? *all get kicked out* Cajun Fox: There goes our oasis. Katz: I won't stand for this. I'll get us a new residence! If... only I knew how. Schwick: We could always try one of those free housing joints. *gets kicked out of one of the free houses* Eris: We could rent a home. *gets kicked out of the rented home* Mr. Wink: Maybe a portakabin. *gets kicked out of the portakabin* Skarr: Wait a minute, we bought that portable! Landlord: I know, I just like evicting people! Ace: It's like everyone's involved in some conspiracy to make our lives horrible! Katz: I'm going to suggest something I never thought I would ever suggest. Scene 5: The Heroes *Muriel is making breakfast. The villains walk by carrying building materials* Katz: Hello Muriel. Muriel: Oh hello. Mojo Jojo: Greetings. Muriel: Back at ya. Marie Kanker: Yo. Muriel: Oh, hehehe, you kids and your lingo. Eustace: Muriel. Muriel: Oh, Eustace, just the man I was looking for. I'm making you pancakes with eggs and bacon on the side, just as you like them. Eustace: You don't say!? *everyone bumps into Eustace* Eustace: Er, I'll be right back. *the rest go down into the basement. Construction could be heard throughout the house which wakes everyone up* Eddy: Hey! People are trying to sleep here! Edd: How could anyone put up with that racket? Buttercup: We go through a night of pounding bad guys and we can't even get a full night's sleep!? *the toons go to look in the basement, but Jasper gets in their way* Jasper: You're not allowed in the basement. Numbuh 1: And why aren't we allowed in something that's part of our house!? Jasper: Better question, why can't we villains get some peace from punks like you!? *shuts the door* *the construction noises only get louder* Muriel: Try to ignore them! Breakfast is almost ready! *some kitchen materials fall onto the food* Muriel: Uh! Well! Come on, let's go to the diner! The noise can't possibly last forever! Scene 6: Business is booming Blossom: So, what do you think the villains are up to? Numbuh 5: Can't be too serious, since they're all planning in our house. Blossom: Well, once they unveil their plan, we'll be ready to- Why're all those people at our house!? *noticing a line of people by the front door* *they go to investigate and they bump into the back of the line* Man: Woah, chill out, we all want to get into the club as much as you do. But we all have to wait like everyone else. Blossom: Kay, but what if this is our house? Man: The owner said you guys don't matter because you're insignificant miscreants. Numbuh 1: Alright that's it! *barging in* Trying to take over the world? Fine, happens to everyone. Make noise while we sleep? Really pushing it. Kicking us out of our own home!? I won't stand for- *bumps into Jasper* Jasper: I'll save you the trouble. You and your buddies are not on the list. Numbuh 1: Really? Let me check my list. Oh yeah, we don't have any villains on our list, so why don't you all get out of here!? Jasper: Tough. You all treat us villains like dirt and you refuse to give any of us peace. Now we're tossing it right back at you. It's a little thing called America. Numbuh 1: I don't know about you, but I think the United Kingdom is starting to look better. Steven: Look, we know we spoil your peace, but you're no better for taking away- *gets knocked away* Eddy: Good one Steven! A moral! *breaks out laughing* Peridot: Listen, you're all not welcome here! Find your own place. Jasper: Did I forget to mention that former villains get a 75% entry discount? Peridot: Eh? Jasper: 700 bucks. Peridot: Muriel, do you have $700? Muriel: *getting it* Well of course but- Peridot: Great! I'm going to, uh, destroy the club from the inside. *enters the basement* Edd: She's not coming back, is she? Steven: Nope. Scene 7: Aftermath Pearl: So, how was it Peridot? Peridot: It was, average. Amethyst: Seriously? Peridot: Well, IT WAS THE GREATEST EXPERIENCE OF MY LIFE! THE DANCING, THE MUSIC, EVERYTHING! Sorry you guys couldn't experience it. Oh, there's no evil plot, they're just having fun. Steven: Don't be sorry. We don't need that club. It's crawling with villains, and mystery, and... fun... all in our house... Peridot: You know, they're allowing people to pay to get in. Chicken: How much? Peridot: $15,000. Each. Blossom: Jeez, they've thought of everything. Buttercup: We've got to get into that club! Jasper: Oh, almost forgot to mention, every entry point in the basement is blocked and we have enough guards to fight against super powered creatures. Buttercup: Or, we could just let our paranoia do the talking. Scene 8: Sulking Dexter: We don't need that club. We really need that club. Chicken: We especially need those villains to beat it. *Mordecai and Rigby arrive* Rigby: Sup chumps? Chicken: Great, here come the scrubs. Mordecai: Why're you out here? You should be celebrating our coolness. We just bought some old dump and we remade it to show just how cool we are. Garnet: You two are about as cool as my top half. Rigby: Hey shut up! We're cool enough to get into Klub Katz! Cow: Klub Katz? Rigby: You know, the hottest club in all of CN City! Amethyst: It costs 15,000 bucks to get in. Mordecai: What makes you think we're paying that much? Pearl: I doubt they'll let you in based on looks alone. Rigby: Oh yeah? They'll be begging for us to get in! Just watch us! *they go in and they come back out* Rigby: They rejected us... Mordecai: Let's just break in through the window. *the two go through the window, but Jasper pulls them both away* Jasper: Ahn, come on. Grim: Pople like me could get some well deserved peace, but then you two come in and try to ruin it! I hate you two as much as I hate the other freaks I have to deal with on a daily basis! Mandy: Hey. When you stooges are done, I need to talk to you Grim. Grim: Ehm, this isn't over. Scene 9: Admission *the next day* Muriel: Has anybody seen Billy? He was going to help me stuff dumplings. Eddy: Mandy's gone too. Edd: I've just received an email, and it's from Klub Katz. *Edd opens it an an e-vite plays, with Grim's head appearing* Grim: Hey folks! If you're watching this, you've been given a one night pass at Klub Katz! If you're a hero, you should be honored to receive something like this! Come to Klub Katz for an event you won't soon forget! Blossom: ...this sounds like a trap. Buttercup: Who cares? We could finally get into that stupid club! *at night, the toons prepare to enter the basement* Numbuh 1: Alright Jasper, let us in. Jasper: Are you on the list? Numbuh 1: Wait a minute, we've received a one night pass for this club! Jasper: Club policy! Everyone has to get checked! Numbuh 1: Ugh, make it quick. *Jasper examines everyone and checks her list* Jasper: Ok, you're all good. Enjoy yourselves. Numbuh 1: Yeah, why don't you return to the bottom of the ocean while you're at it? Scene 10: In the club Dexter: Oh my goodness. It's amazing! Blossom: I don't know if it's some kind of evil scheme, but these guys really know how to live. *meanwhile, outside* Mordecai: Dude, we can't not be in that club. Let's try the window again. *the two manage to get through the window and they see a man by a food littered table.* Cajun Fox: Do not touch that food! Chef Pierre: Qui, it's for ze guest of honor! Rigby: What a bunch of losers. Katz: Ladies and gentlemen, on this special night, I bring you Korn! *Got the life plays and Mordecai and Rigby dance along to it. Everyone stops and stares at the two's awkward dancing and soon the music stops* Katz: You two aren't on the list. *the two run and hide in a lower section of the basement* Rigby: Hmph hmph, nobody could put a damper on our coolness- *the power goes out and screams are heard. The two check outside and they see everyone's gone* Katz: Where are those miscreants? *the two walk in the lower section of the basement and they hear something* Billy: No, no! Don't eat me! AAAAAAAAHHHHH! Jean Bon: Heheheh. Mordecai: Uhhuh--hhhuhh, LET'S GET OUT OF HERE! *the two run. Monitors activate, showing the heroes getting tortured by the villains in various ways. The two hit a dead end.* Rigby: N-n-n-nothing us two cool guys can't handle, right? *Jasper grabs them* Jasper: I oughta break you two in half. *carries them* *Grim could be heard performing Birthday Dethday. Jean Bon, Cajun Fox, Chester and Chef Pierre are carrying a coffin shaped box, walking alongside Jasper.* *throughout the scene, there're cuts to footage from various films, and stills of the villains as rotting corpses.* Jasper: Wait until she gets a load of this. Mordecai/Rigby: She? *they get to the main floor and they see the villains gathered around a table. It clears, showing that Mandy is sitting at the table. The box is placed in front of her and Mr. Boss opens it, sticking his finger inside and sampling a sticky substance.* M/R: NOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!! Grim: Care to do the first cut Mandy? Mandy: Meh. M/R: NOOOOOOO! STOP!!!! *the two get free and they try to beat up Jasper* Jasper: You done? Rigby: Y-you people are insane! Insane I tells ya! Grim: Rigby. Rigby: We get it now! This is just some cannibal cult meant to eat every person you could get your sick hands on! Grim: That's enough! *The two break down in tears* Mordecai: All we wanted was to be cool! And do cool stuff! Billy: Gosh, that is so sad... M/R: W-w-w-WHAT!?!!? Grim: We didn't eat anybody mon! Mordecai: What about the box!? Chef Pierre: Ah, you know something? I've noticed a message in ze box. It reads, happy birthday Mandy. M/R: Huh? Grim: We were just celebrating Mandy's birthday, stupid! M/R: What about the other stuff!? Katz: That was done so we could finally get you two out of our lives forever. The power going out and the missing guests? We disabled it ourselves and we told the guests to leave- M/R: What about Billy? Jean Bon: We had him provide suggestions for what we should write on Mandy's cake. *flashback* Billy: No, no! Don't eat me! I think that'd go perfect on that cake, knowwhatImean? Katz: Are you almost done in here? I want to store my spider collection. Billy: AAAAAAHHHHH!!!! Mordecai: What about the others? Boss: Scaring them was a bonus. We wanted them out as much as we wanted you out. *flashback* Chester: Guysyouwannaseemynewchainsawandguyfawkesmask!? Heroes: AAAAAAAAHHHHH!!!!!!! *the two curl up and mutter in fear* Grim: So Mandy, what did you think of your birthday? Mandy: To be honest, this was one of my better days. You guys know your stuff. Grim: Thanks Mandy... that's all I wanted to hear. *gives Mandy a hug* Mandy: Uh, Grim? *the others join in on the hug* Mr. Fibb: But what'll we do with those dorks? Katz: Leave it to me. Scene 11: Final Grim: Hey folks it's me! Welcome to the 72 hour intelligence training fun marathon! We're going to spend the next couple of hours instructing you how to not act like a group of yahoos! M/R: W-why didn't we stay in our own universe...? END